Why Marriage is Hard - And How Couples Therapy Can Help
- Jenna M. Kraft, LCSW
- Sep 28
- 3 min read
Updated: Oct 11
If most os us are being honest, marriage is not always the fairy tale we imagined. It's love, commitment, growth, sure, but it's also conflict, misunderstanding, and not always having our needs met in the ways we would like to. At times, we may even feel a bit isolated or unsure what to ask for from our partner. No matter how strong the connection or how deep the love, every marriage hits moments that feel hard, even impossible, over the course of the long haul.
So, why is marriage so difficult? And more importantly, how can couples get back on track when things feel stuck?
The Real Reasons Marriage Is Hard
Every marriage brings together two people with different upbringings, personalities, needs, and coping mechanisms for stress and adversity. No matter how compatible two people may be, the day-to-day realities of building a life together, managing finances, parenting, intimacy, career stress, in-laws, and a desire for personal growth can create moments of tension.
Some of the biggest challenges couples often face include:
Communication Breakdowns: It’s not just about talking; it’s about being heard and understood. Many couples find themselves in patterns of defensiveness, criticism, or shutting down.
Unrealistic Expectations: We often carry unspoken assumptions about how love "should" look. When reality doesn’t match the fantasy, disappointment sets in.
Conflict Avoidance or Escalation: Some couples fight about everything. Others avoid hard conversations altogether. Neither approach resolves the core issues.
Emotional Disconnect: Over time, life can get in the way of emotional intimacy. Couples may drift apart, feeling more like roommates than romantic partners.
Unhealed Wounds or Past Trauma: Old hurts, betrayals, or unresolved individual trauma can show up in the relationship again and again, often in disguised ways.
Marriage is hard, not because something is wrong with you or your partner, but because intimacy is a deep, vulnerable, and often challenging human experience.
Why Couples Therapy Can Make a Difference
Couples therapists specialize in helping both partners move from frustration and disconnection to clarity, trust, and deeper intimacy. Whether you’re navigating daily stressors or on the brink of separation, couples therapy offers a structured, safe space to work through the hard stuff, together. It helps create a dedicated, consistent space to bring your needs and wants to your partner, with a guide that will help you really and truly hear each other when emotions are high.
Here’s how couples therapy can help, specifically:
1. Improve Communication
Therapy teaches practical tools to help couples listen more deeply, express needs without blame, and stay connected during moments of heightened emotion and conflict.
2. Break Harmful Patterns
Therapists help you identify the recurring dynamics that keep you stuck, and replace them with new, healthier ways of relating to each other.
3. Heal Emotional Wounds
Whether it’s past betrayals, unresolved resentment, or lingering emotional pain, therapy helps you process and move forward with compassion.
4. Rebuild Trust and Intimacy
Therapy helps couples reconnect emotionally, rebuild broken trust, and rediscover the magic and commitment that brought them together in the first place.
5. Support Through Life Transitions
Marriage often gets tested during life changes: having kids, career shifts, loss, or aging. Therapy provides a steady anchor through those storms that you can rely on.
Every Couple Needs Help Sometimes
Struggling in your marriage doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it means you’re human. Even the strongest relationships go through hard seasons. What matters most is how you show up in those moments. Seeking support means that you care and that you want to continue to invest in your relationship.
At DGCW, we believe in the power of repair, resilience, and reconnection. Our experienced couples therapists create a warm, nonjudgmental space where both partners feel seen, heard, and supported. You don’t have to navigate this alone. Let us help you move from surviving to thriving again. After all, things are really better together.
Ready to take the first step?
Contact DGCW today to schedule a consultation. A better relationship is possible, and it starts with reaching out.
Starting therapy can feel intimidating; we strive to make it easy. To schedule an appointment or to obtain additional information about our services, accepted forms of insurance, or our therapists, please call us at (630) 426-9719 or email us at info@downersgrovecounseling.com.
Our therapists see clients 7 days a week (Monday-Sunday) by appointment. Our administrative hours are Monday-Friday from 9am-7pm. If you reach out after hours, we will get back to you the next business day. We look forward to speaking with you.
Downers Grove Counseling and Wellness PLLC
4910 Main Street
Downers Grove, IL 60515
Office Phone: (630) 426-9719
Marriage can definitely be challenging, and it’s completely normal for couples to face tough times. Often, communication breakdowns, unmet expectations, and unresolved conflicts make relationships feel harder than they need to be. That’s where professional support can make a real difference. At the Center for Thriving Relationships https://centerforthrivingrelationships.com/, we specialize in helping couples navigate these challenges, strengthen their connection, and build lasting, fulfilling partnerships. Couples therapy there isn’t just about fixing problems it’s about creating tools, understanding, and strategies that help relationships truly thrive.
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